After Publishing #2

I should have expected this, but it surprised me. My ego, my “self” that always needs approval is not satisfied that I found a publisher and actually had the book published. Ego is never satisfied.  Do more! It insists. Get more approval! If it could, it would force everyone it sees to buy the book. And like it, dammit! I know my ego well, having journeyed with it for many years now. I used to think it was me. I used to think it was a grown-up self, but it is just a child–after all, it acted like it knew everything and was just annoyed how others did not see that. I was following the lead of a deprived, confused child. Egos don’t grow up. Even if they have jobs and dive cars.

Addictions of all kinds and distorted perceptions keep us child-like. My ego is still grasping for approval; it’s painful to see that, but clear sight heals.  Shame is the ego embarrassed to be seen. I heard a wise teacher say we must be vigilant gate-keepers at the door of the mind and I see how easily the ego-child slips in without my noticing. A true grown-up  can discern what is true and false, is a protector of his or her own mind. A true grown-up might write a book, but doesn’t expect applause or results or recognition. The work is done. May it serve someone.



7 thoughts on “After Publishing #2

  1. Hi Anda, Hope this finds you well my friend! I’ve been terrible on keeping up with emails but Finally ordered your book! Things well on this end and life has been busy. Wishing you a peaceful, relaxing weekend! Take care. Roger


    1. Good to hear from you, Roger and so glad things are going well for you. For me as well. My book release celebration is Monday at 6 at the Chattaway Restaurant at the corner of 4th St. South and 22nd Ave. in the Old Southeast of St. Pete. If you have a chance stop by, it would be lovely to see you.


  2. It will serve someone, Anda. Indeed, more than one, I suspect. Meanwhile, just bask in your accomplishment and kick around some ideas for your next one.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. It has definitely served me! Very helpful to read about someone else wrestling with ego and then realizing that observing it is all we can do.

    Liked by 1 person

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